To Be Like Him

Merry Christmas to all!

My dad combined verses from 1st Corinthians 13 and Moroni 7. It really impacted me that these are the characteristics that I really need to focus on. Some, I am doing well on and others I have to work on. All, of course, I can improve on.

So, as I ponder even more my Savior this time of year, who He is, and how I can be like Him, I am looking at who I am and who I want to be.

Am I full of Charity? Do I...

• Suffer long?


• Am kind?


• Envy not?


• Am not puffed up?


• Seek not my own?


• Am not easily provoked?


• Think no evil?


• Rejoice not in iniquity, but rejoice in truth?


• Bear all things?


• Believe all things?


• Hope all things?


• Endure all things?

Great things to think about this time of year. I want so much to be like Him. Long way to go, but at least I have guidance (it is a list! What can be better?).

Colorado

We made it! We are here right now in Colorado. Much to the HUGE disappointment of my kids, there isn't much snow...just a little here and there in the shady places. Many prayers are being said for the snow. We will see what happens.

It was so amazing that we were even able to get here with the week we had the last 7 days. It is crazy to go through crowded airports with three kids by yourself. Really crazy! We didn't all get to sit together on the plane, but it turned out okay. The airline helped us many times. But, I am still scared about Monday....when we fly to visit DH's family in Utah. More crowds, more people, more stress. I think we are going to show up to the airport three hours early just so we can make it in time with all the kids and backpacks and carry-ons and security. It is crazy.

If I don't get back to y'all later...Merry Christmas. Don't forget the reason we celebrate. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, loves us. This I know.

Just when you think it can't get worse.....

......It does.

After all the health issues of this week, the drama with DH, and other dramas, this morning I was simultaneously sooooo ready to take the sacrament and so not wanting to even put forth the energy of going to church.

With much effort, I get the kids ready after DH drops them off (This is one thing I have to say about him.....he is flexible in letting them attend church 99% of the time. Kudos, DH!). We all get in the car and....it won't start. -sigh- It finally does and off to church we go....then K (who had been complaining of a stomach ache all morning) now says she thinks she is going to throw up. Oh, joy.

We get to church 13 minutes late. I park far away and reverse into my parking spot to make it easier if I need a jump after church and head in...barely making it for the sacrament in the foyer. Not exactly the quiet moments of reflection and peace I had envisioned.

What more could possibly go wrong?

Yet, what more could possibly be right?

In the midst of it all, Sacrament Meeting was amazing and the Spirit was so strong. I knew I was in the right place. Then, after dropping of the kids at DH's after church, I came home and watched a CES fireside from Elder Scott, given in 1999 (love the DVR!). It was just EXACTLY what I needed. Questions I'd had about my situation, DH, and where to go from here were all answered in the Lord's own way. Maybe I needed to feel so broken so I could be put together with the Lord's loving hands.

Thank-you for your thoughts and prayers. Keep them up. The rest of 2009 promises to still be difficult, but, for now...I am doing really well and, compared to yesterday, it feels sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good! :)

Addendum: I just had to document that we feel so loved tonight. Life was already 1,000,000% better than yesterday and to make it even better, we had an outpouring of love. We had carolers, doorbell ditchers, Relief Society presidency, and our dear Bishop and his wife all drop in on us just tonight. The Lord has taken care of us. He has shown his love through others and I am truly grateful. My support system has been immense and, I must admit, that while there are definitely times I feel so alone and abandoned, there are many more times that I feel so loved. Thank-you. Thank-you. Thank-you.

Yuck...it has happened.

It has happened....I, today, am the bitter and angry woman I have fought and fought and worked and worked for the last year and a half NOT to be. There is no use fighting it now. Yuck.

DH has been meaner to me in this last week than he has been in months (probably since July). I understand he doesn't want to be married to me....I am holding up my end and doing my part for the divorce, even though it is not what I want. Why does he have to be mean, malicious, and hurtful?????? Does he think it will be easier for me to be divorced if I hate my ex-husband?

All I know is I cannot do this any more. I feel so alone. It is Christmas and my friends need to be with their own families, not with a bitter, angry, soon-t0-be divorcee. I will never understand why my DH would want to do this. Never. I just feel so rejected, isolated, and completely alone.

The bitterness is here. I give in, surrender, and wave the white flag. Can't fight it any more.

They are gone...

DH just picked up the kids to take them for Thanksgiving.

Yuck. This is so hard. K was sobbing when we had to say goodbye. We have never been apart this long in her whole life.

I still don't understand how DH could do this to me, let alone his own children. So many consequences. Every new one so difficult.

I am sure that next year's holidays will be a little easier. But, for now, this is really, really hard. I still want to be with him myself. Then, I also want our family to be together, especially for the holidays.

So...on that lovely note...HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am sitting here after cooking all day with the combined smells of pie, sweet potatoes, stuffing, and turkey. -sigh- It smells heavenly. We are having "Thanksgiving" today so that we can have one together before the kids go out of town with DH. It has been a wonderful day. It feels like a holiday.

I bought a bunch of wood as part of my preparedness kick and we moved it all to the back this morning. Then, we have been cooking, cooking, cooking. :) The kids are happy, I am happy. It has been great. My sis and her family are on their way down and it will truly feel like Thanksgiving to be surrounded by family.

BTW: Thanks for all the offers I have received for somewhere for me to be on Thursday so I am not alone. I truly appreciate them.

LD and a firetruck

We have had many experiences with firetrucks and firemen, luckily never in an emergency. LD loves it every time. This time it was at our local library storytime. LD and I have been going regularly every week. Earlier this year, he did not like storytime and was nervous with the crowds. I guess he's overcome it....the firetruck storytime was very, very full and he was okay.

At this time of year of being thankful, I truly am thankful for our firefighters and policemen/women and others that serve me to keep my family and I safe. Thank-you!